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DDM_Black6
Tue Nov 10, 2009 12:47 pm

Re: Jokes and Funny sh*t
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One for the ladies.....  :lol: 


He Said To Me!

He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me . . ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart

He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

 
He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time

 
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened. 

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.

He said..What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.

 

He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


Now one for the men..... Sorry ladies :)

Men strike back! 

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it. 

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?  
If she can't afford a washing machine, she will probably never be able to support you. 


Why do women have smaller feet than men?  
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' allowing them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. 

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?  
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....' 

How do you fix a woman's watch?  
You don't. There is a clock on the oven. 

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, 

Who do you let in first? 
The dog, of course : he'll definitely shut up once you let him in. 

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.  
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives? 
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until...
They walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they're sexy.
