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DDM_Black6
Wed Mar 03, 2010 2:11 am

Re: Jokes and Funny sh*t
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:P 


At a luncheon, an elderly
gentleman and an elderly lady
struck up a conversation and discovered that
they both loved to fish.
Since both of them were widowed,
they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they
headed to the river to his fishing boat and
started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a
fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

'Do you want to go up or down?'

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt
and pants and made mad passionate love to the man
right there in the boat !

When they finished, the man couldn't believe
what had just happened, but he had just experienced
the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the
river, when soon they came upon another fork in the
river. 

He again asked the lady , 'Up or down ?'

There she went again, stripped off her clothes,
and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so
he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day,
riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in
river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down ?'

The woman replied, 'Down.'

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman
guided the boat down the river when he came upon
another fork in the river and he asked the
lady,'Up or down ?'

She replied, 'Up.'

This really confused the gentleman so he asked,

'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked
you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad
passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!'

She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing
my hearing aid and I thought the choices were
fuck or drown

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  A  Kiwi buys several sheep,  hoping to breed them for wool.  

After  several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep  are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for  help.

The vet tells him  that he should try artificial  insemination. 

The farmer doesn't  have the slightest idea what this means but, not  wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the  vet how he will know when the sheep are  pregnant. 

The vet tells him  that they will stop standing around and instead  will lie down and wallow in grass when 
they  are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives  it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that  artificial insemination means he has to  impregnate the sheep himself.  

So, he loads the  sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into  the woods, has sex with them all, brings them  back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he  wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that  they are all still standing around, he deduces  that the first try didn't take, and loads them  in the Land Rover again.  

He drives them out  to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good  measure, brings them back, and goes to  bed
exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes  to find the sheep still just standing  round.  

Try again. he tells  himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive  them out to the woods. He spends all day  shagging the sheep and upon returning home,  falls listlessly into bed.

The next  morning, he cannot even raise himself from the  bed to look out of the  window.  

He asks his wife to  look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the  grass. 


No, she says, they're  all in the Land Rover, and one of them is  beeping the horn.   
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