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DDM_Black6
Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:09 am

Re: Jokes and Funny sh*t
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Marriage  (Part I )
                  Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and
     after the  wedding, he laid down the following rules:


             'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
               I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
               I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
                  I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
             I'll  go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
                when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
                         give me a hard time about it.
                      Those are my rules.  Any comments?'

                              His new bride said:
       'No, that's fine with me.  Just understand that there will be sex
       here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

                              (DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
                 ************************************************
                                Marriage (Part II)


          Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
                             wedding anniversary!
           The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
               that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

         'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
             that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

                                (HE ASKED FOR IT!)


                   *****************************************

                                Marriage (Part III)


             Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the
                               breakfast table.

              Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
               good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

                  After some time he realizes he was nasty and
                   decides to make amends and rings her up.

      She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
             says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
                             She says, 'I was in bed.'

                       'In bed this early, doing what?'

                          'Getting a second opinion!'

                          (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

                    *****************************************

                                Marriage (Part IV)


         A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

             He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
               wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

       One night, they go to a party.  The man decides that it IS time to
     go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
     He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

           His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
          shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

                               (RIGHT ON, LADY!)

                     *****************************************

                               THE SILENT TREATMENT

              A man and his wife were having some problems at home
               and were giving each other the silent treatment.

      Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
         to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

     Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
                                  on a piece
      of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'  He left it where he knew she
                                would find it.

             The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
                   was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

      Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him
                                    when he
      noticed a piece of paper by the bed.   The paper said, 'It is 5:00
                                AM.  Wake up.'

               Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

                    *****************************************
                 God may have created man before woman, but there
                is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

                    ************** ***************************
       Send this to smart women who need a laugh and to men you think can
                                  handle it.
